Reading this book is a journey through the wardrobe. A
journey back in time. To being a teenager. To belonging to one of the most
privileged, renowned schools in the world. A place marked by medieval
craftsmen, Christopher Wren, Gibbons, Mallory, Victorian gothic, the first
world war, the second, the wars to come. A place steeped in the history and
nature of England and being British. A place I turned my back on, rejecting the
roots I had been assigned, seeking to retain only the most catholic aspects of an
education that offered existentialism, Colin Wilson, drugs, deviance,
depression, repression and, for some, the birthright of privilege.
In the midst of the years I spent there, Waugh’s panegyric
appeared as a luscious television series. Touched by old and new generations of
British acting aristocracy. Geilgud, Olivier, Irons and more. Someone somewhere
screened the episodes for us, and no matter how large the distance which might
have been supposed to exist between the twenties and the eighties, the television
in fact reflected our lives. The fey Sebastian and the louche Anthony Blanche
were characters we knew well, fossils that had survived. And along with their
feyness we also recognised their romanticism. A doomed hedonism, gilded with a
hint of religious transcendence. The curse of entitlement. The mysteries of the
elite.
I went away and sought to leave it all behind. Cut my ties
and sought to enter into something more akin to the “real” world, as subsequent
friends and partners might have put it. And these characters, both the
fictional ones and the ones who echoed their fictional forefathers, came to
seem egoistical, blinkered, narrow-minded. Crass. Indeed, some of their likes
can now be found flitting around the current government, my contemporaries,
shallow souls whose lives have been lead within this insulated bubble of
privilege.
I left Waugh’s world behind and I never read the book.
Indeed, I struggled with British literature per se, especially from the 20th
C. So much of it filtered through the sieve of inured Oxbridge privilege, so
far from the pulse of the world. But now, in Montevideo, I felt a yearning, a
good Waughian word, to reconnect. Because, I suppose, there’s a danger of
throwing the baby out with the bathwater. There are aspects of England,
Britain, the England of which Winchester, with all its mordant beauty, was a
part, which will always have a hold. With the sense or ironic detachment which
accompanies knowing the value and the absence-of-value attached to this
culture, so apparently ancient, beseeching so much respect.
Waugh’s Ryder, the book’s narrator, ends up becoming a
cynic, cursed by his association with Brideshead. He cannot bring himself to
love his own family, even his children, The very notion of love is so lost in
the Arcadian fields of Sebastian’s youth that he never recovers it. His
relationship with Sebastian’s sister is a pale imitation, sacrificed on the
altar of this agnostic cynicism. Conventional values and desires pass him by.
He yearns for the transcendent, to live in a Poussin pastoral, the world kept
at bay by beauty. Realising this is something he cannot have (and those who do
have it don’t want it) reduces him, stymies his ambition, leaves him in middle
age as nothing more than the husk of his youth.
Ryder is a model for many who have the fortune to attend the
Winchesters of the world, which keep on trucking, Oxbridge and its ilk. Real
life is a disappointment in the wake of the romanticism of youth. The drive to
do things, to make the world in your image rather than pursue a forlorn image
of Englishness, is missing. They find a way to make society accommodate them,
carving out their anointed niches, but everything is hollow. Life becomes a
perpetual hangover. It’s no surprise that Blanche declaims TS Eliot through a
megaphone. This is the danger of history: it consumes the muscles from within,
a silent malevolent host.
All of which helps to explain why I should turn to this book
now. On the one hand, it is a symptom of homesickness, or nostalgia (albeit a
nostalgia for a life which has nothing to do with the one I lead when in
London). And on the other, if I read this book in the UK, it would quite
possibly make me ill.