Virginia Woolf occupies a strange place in both British literature and my personal literary cosmology. For me, in so many ways, she has become identified with so much that is wrong with British literature. A dilettante child of restrained privilege, whose merry band of Bloomsburyites swanned around, happy enough with their places in an unjust society, (one whose injustices persist), creating art which has been adopted by the upper middle classes as emblematic of a certain kind of aloof englishness. The films, the guided tours, the country houses, the wisteria, the pebbles in the pocket, the archness, the afternoon teas, the sound of voices retumbando in rooms that are too large and too chilly.
Obviously, this is an unfair appraisal of her talents, and those of her fellow artists. Obviously this too reflects my own hang-ups regarding my own englishness. What they might call projection. All the same, it colours my idea of her and her work.
So returning to Woolf after decades of steering clear of her is an interesting process. And dare I say it, but did it not to an extent blow me away, the reading of To The Lighthouse. There is something in its poetry and its generosity which won me over. The characters examining their own weaknesses and strengths, just as we always exist as characters within our minds, trapped between our weaknesses and our strengths. Our inclination to tell the paternal figure what for, and our reluctance to commit to that inclination. Our consciousness of the nearness of death, whilst still holding death at arm’s length. Our quest to reach the fucking lighthouse, even if it’s just a tower on an old rock. Woolf weaves time through the book, the comings and goings, the actual futures, the contemplated futures, the actual pasts and the contemplated pasts. All swishing through our minds like the tides, one way and then another. The truth is almost that we don’t live in the present. We live in a space that is defined by the circularity of time. The sweep of the lighthouse’s arc.
It’s a dense book that stops and starts, that trips you up, that feels as though it’s reaching towards being profoundly un-comfortable. And in that reaching, perhaps, I came back round to the writer, as she absents herself from the image that has been constructed of her and her world by history’s winners, an image of cosy teas on sheltered lawns, of happy families and a scabrous perfection.